「やれやれ」と彼女は言った

So apparently Murakami Haruki's hometown of Ashiya in good old Hyogo prefecture is going to offer some kind of Murakami Certification. Link to the story here. Just ten questions (difficult questions, they say) and limited to 600 entrants, top scorers get a certificate and the top twenty get candy.


I was linked to a thread from 2ch in which they discuss the contest. It doesn't take them long at all to stop talking about it and start just making fun of Murakami. The first reply was "Man [やれやれ is one of his stylistic tropes], I ejaculated in my pasta."Another: "ejaculate while thinking about metaphysics."


A lot gets said about how much sex is in his books. One poster wrote "My older sister, who usually doesn't read much, picked up an interest in Murakami. When she asked me about what kind of stuff was in his novels, I couldn't answer with anything but 'well, just a lot of sex.'"


The best, though, is when they start making fun of Murakami's style. If you've never read him in Japanese, his prose is basically the same as it is in English. Which is weird. Oddly short sentences, endless "'...,' she said" which is redundant and unnatural in Japanese prose. The most succinct post in this vein (even if it doesn't really come across in English) was
「。が多くて読みやすいよ」と彼女は言った。僕は本を手に取った。読んでみると本当に読みやすい。
"'There are a lot of periods, so it's easy to read," she said. I picked up the book. I tried reading it and it really was easy."


Two posts take the cake (it seems like they were actually stolen from this blog).

Questions, supposedly from an English test, with simple instructions: Translate the following exchange into Murakami style.

They're pretty awesome.

問題１[Problem 1]

A: Is that a dog?
B: No. It is a horse.

訳
「アレって、結局のところ、犬みたいなものじゃないの？」
直美はわからない、という顔をして不機嫌そうにそうつぶやいた。
「いや、それはちがう。馬、そう、馬みたいなものさ。でもそれは僕らにとって問題じゃない。僕らは、今夜、四谷のラブホテルでセックスをした、それだけのこと―――」
僕が言い終わらないうちに、直美はベッドから起きあがり、言った。
「セックスについて、軽々しく語らないでよ」
今思い出しても恥ずかしくなるほど、僕は、未熟だった。

Translation
"That thing, when you get down to it, don't you think it looks like a dog?"
Naomi murmured sullenly and made a face like she didn't understand.
"No, that's not it. A horse, yeah, it looks like a horse. But that's not our problem. Tonight we had sex in a love hotel in Yotsuya, and that's the only---"
Before I could finish talking, Naomi got up from the bed and spoke.
"Don't talk so carelessly about sex."
Even now I get embarrassed every time I think about it. I was so inexperienced.


問題２ [Problem 2]

A: How lovely these fish are!
B: I agree.

訳
「おいしそう...」
水槽の中を見つめながら、ユキはそう呟いた。
「私って、食欲と可愛いの感情が区別つかないの」
そう言ってユキは笑った。
僕もいっしょになって笑った。

「あと、性欲と食欲の違いもわかんないの」
「それでか」
「それでか、って何よ？」

昨日の夜、ユキと僕は初めて知り合った。
そして一緒にスパゲッティを食べた。
その夜、僕らはセックスをした。

「じゃあね、私、北に向かうわ」　ユキは言った。
「北？なんのために？」
「理由なんてないわ。昨日私があなたにフェラチオをしてあげたことに理由がないのと同じよ」

バスは出発した。

やれやれ、僕はまたひとりになった。

今になって思い返してみると、
僕はあの時彼女と一緒に北へ行くべきだったのだ。 


Translation
"They look delicious. . ."
Yuki spoke softly, gazing into the fish tank.
"I don't differentiate between hunger and thinking something's cute"
Yuki said this and laughed.
I laughed with her.


"I also don't get the difference between lust and hunger"
"So that's why"
"And just what do you mean by that?"


I met Yuki for the first time last night.
We ate spaghetti together.
That night, we had sex.


"See you. I'm going to head north," Yuki said.
"North? What for?"
"No real reason. Just like there's no real reason I gave you a blowjob last night."


The bus left.


Well, I was alone again.


Thinking back on it now, I should have gone north with her.


I like the second one better.